This Is What We're Tired Of

Still thrashing through the design phase of Pop Zeus. Unfortunately drawing usually requires a lot more energy for me than writing. And that really doesn't make a whole lot of sense when I think about it. My problem is that I have a lot higher expectations and am much more judgmental in the art process than in the writing process. I tend to get discouraged rather easily when the drawings aren't coming out right. It's obviously something I am aware of, which is a good first step. So I am trying to take the pressure off so that the design phase moves forward as smoothly as the writing phase.

Speaking of pressure, adding tremendously to the problem and delay of late has been my ever present work burn-out. 3 years of relentless hard labor at the animation studio with few and insubstantial breaks have left me a shell of my former self. And the last few weeks have been especially brutal. I needed the entirety of Saturday the last two weekends to recover from the week. And by recovering, I mean spending most of the day in bed, groggy and out of it (caught up on my Battlestar Galactica, I suppose). It's totally cut into my kung fu training, which is very frustrating. Also, I woke up with splitting headaches both days- very unusual for me.

The thought that I've been suffering through some sort of depression did occur to me. I realized that I'm really not much busier than usual- why would I be so tired. Plus I am creeping up on a long-dreaded anniversary which I mentioned in the blog a ways back.

But this past Sunday, I woke up and felt better, a lot better. And I went to kung fu and felt really good in spite of a tough class. And then I went and hung out with my friend Alvin in Berkeley (home of the anniversary-dreaded girl) and it was alright (unlike last time when I was gripped with fear just being there- ug).

So I've pretty much concluded that I'm just tired. The greatest gift anyone could give me would be a long, relaxing vacation. God willing, that will happen some day. Until then, I will keep doing what I can to get some kind of balance in my life. But between the continuous pressures of work, feeling like I'm being replaced at work, job searching, dating (sort of), bad financial pressures, working on Pop Zeus, working toward my black belt, and updating this blog, it's a constant struggle.